Earlier this morning, as I was watching some video's on YouTube, two of them really struck me. Name A reading of If, by Rudyard Kipling and a rendition of the Triumphal March from Aïda, by Verdi.
What struck me is how If enumerates virtues by which one can be considered to be a man, and the march from Aïda is what all associate with victory, with achieving ones goals.
It struck me that, besides immediate goals at work, I don't have many hopes and dreams at the moment. I seem to be just going through the motions. Not living, but surviving. A couple of days ago, somebody remarked that I turned into a much more closed and private person these past months. Up until that moment, I hadn't realized that. But it's true. I weigh and measure what I share more and more. Maybe it's a logical consequence of what I've been going through these past 2 years. At the same time, I have to acknowledge that fact that I have made at least one friend in the past 2 months, while a sort of understanding has been developing with someone I've known for a while now.
These past months have also shown me the value of true friendship. And even though I have been remiss the last couple of weeks, I will not forget my friends who stood by me when I needed them most. Those who, when asked didn't offer the least bit of acknowledgment will not be forgotten either.
Returning to the subject of hopes and dreams, I guess it's some kind of defense mechanism. If you don't get your hopes up, they wont be shattered.
A few more days and it will be the Summer Solstice, what I hope for is a break, that life may take a turn for the better. In the meantime, I will keep the words from Antonio Machado in my mind: "Caminante no hay camino, se hace camino al andar" (The path is not preset, you make it while walking)
I just have to take the initiative and make my own path. Whether it veers to the left, right or goes straight ahead, it will still be my path of my own choosing.
And this will be my triumph amidst the disaster.
